What a fucking waste of an outfit
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
