oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
