can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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