what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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