last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize