So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
