I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
