I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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