Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
