I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
