Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
