I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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