While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do you have feelings for this penis?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
