she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
