Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
