ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
