dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
