I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
