she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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