I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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