Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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