just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Your cock deserves a montage
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
