We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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