WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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