Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
