I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
