Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
