His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
