I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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