My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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