if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
