Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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