I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My balls are so social today.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
