Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
and she was petting her beer can
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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