i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
