This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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