id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You need Xanax blowdarts
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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