so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
