you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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