I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
