worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
