It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize