In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
