He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
