Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
