I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
