I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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