Who wears a wallet chain?!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
