I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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