Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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