So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
why do cheetos always look like penises
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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