I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
