dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
