I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
