We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
