he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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