You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
