I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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