you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
