so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
