just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
