What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
