Just fell off a train. Bad.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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