I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
