you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize