Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
