Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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