He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
