Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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