Got a toothbrush?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
