Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
