so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize