I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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