he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
