That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
