I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
