He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dicks are not precious.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
