i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
