Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
