1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
