sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
