had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
