He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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