he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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