Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
