I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you still have your period?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
