fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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