from now on my penis is your penis
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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