Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize