Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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