and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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