woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
