apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
barbara walters just said penis...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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