You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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