Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
