dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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