if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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