I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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