It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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