i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
