found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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