I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize