i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
