think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
