Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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