I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
