I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
