I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
