Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
whose parrot is this?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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