The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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