forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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