After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Boobs speak an international language.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize