we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
